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Or perhaps as an alternate title: Kicking iTunes in the iBalls. It's been a long time coming, but I've finally decided to take the plunge and rid myself of the tyranny of Apple software, and with it, the inherent cookie cutter consumerism (read: digital communism) and DRM (digital rights management) restrictions.
Longtime readers may already be aware of my attempts to de-fruitify my iPod shuffle in a previous DIY article. It finally came time to take the battle from hardware to software.
Lets get the facts out of the way. iTunes does a great job of consolidating just about everything music related into one program and interface. But if you want total control of your own music, iTunes becomes more of a brushed steel dungeon than anything else. Perhaps the most unforgivable flaw in the software is its inordinate use of a system's resources to operate (at least, for those of us in the Windows world). When my desktop can run Crysis flawlessly at the highest resolution settings, which, amazingly, looks like this:
...yet still hangs up when scrolling through an iTunes playlist, I know that there's something seriously wrong. My theory? Apple de-optimizes their code for the Windows versions of iTunes. Jerks.
Which brings me to my criteria for what I looked for in an alternative. What I needed was efficient, clean, and customizable software that was light on the system demands. And behold, after much testing and experimentation, here are my picks for anyone wanting to follow down the path of liberation:
Foobar2000 - The Alternative Player
Foobar is an incredibly lightweight and heavily customizable program. And a quick google image search will yield some some outrageously cool downloadable themes. All the internal windows are modular components... so you could, in theory, have a viewer composed of 6 album art screens and nothing else (not that I'd recommend it). Even on my laptop, the program loads up in less than a second. And unlike iTunes, scrolling through playlists happens in real time (on snap!). As an added bonus, you can set your library to mirror your actual directory structure, which means that if you're neurotic about organization (like I am), you can reap the benefits of your OCD-ness from within the program itself. Nice.
Go download Foobar2000 for yourself already.
Windows Media Player - The Alternative Ripper
Really, why mess with success? WMP works just fine at ripping music CD's. And it's a simple matter to set your preferences to automatically tag the files the way you want them tagged. You get this step right, and you'll almost never have to go back and manually tag a track again.
Windows Explorer - The Alternative Tagger
But if you do find it necessary to get under the hood and input or delete some tags, you can use windows explorer to get the job done. Explorer in Vista is a dream when it comes to tag organization, but you can achieve the same result in XP as well. Just right click on the file, go to properties, then the summary tag. Not only can you view the tags, you can edit them as well. If you're looking for a third option, just load up your library from within Foobar itself and right click the song to edit it properties. From there, you should be able to both view and edit your tags.
Amazon.com - The Alternative MP3 Store
People use the iTunes store because it's convenient. But even if you're mostly against buying DRMed content, you can slip up now and again and buy a few tracks here and there. And before you know it, you've salted your music library with tracks that can't be moved, shared, and sometimes, burned (yes, even the brute force burning of DRM files sometimes fails for no reason under iTunes). Really, you should be buying CD's in the first place and ripping them at a high quality, but if you're not much for the "going outside thing," shop at Amazon. DRM free content rocks (and all the cool kids are doing it).
SharePod - The Alternative iPod Loader
So now that you've got your player and library set up, the final program you need is SharePod (Windows only). This free and tiny program can actually be stored on your iPod. Just plug it in, load the program, and you've got a mobile solution for loading files to your iPod. As a bonus, you can actually pull songs off the iPod as well... (a huge limitation when using iTunes). SharePod and Foobar2000 are also fully compatible. You can have both open and just drag and drop from your playlist onto SharePod. You'll be loaded up and good to go in seconds. You should probably download SharePod immediately.
With the addition of these two programs and a bit of effort, I have created a more truly portable music library than I've had in years. I can literally copy both programs and my music onto a USB key, and set up shop on any computer, anywhere I go (in a legal way, of course). No DRM to worry about, and no completely wonky library on reload.
Breathe deep readers. That's the smell of digital freedom.
Everyone loves a good George Lucas bashing right? I'm really no exception to that rule. I rant about it enough in real life, so it only seemed fitting to write up an article about it.
Given that many of us watch the Original Trilogy through coke-bottle-thick rose colored glasses, I still think the OT is pretty groundbreaking. At the end of the day, I have to stand up and attest to the life-changing cinema experience that those three movies represent... all the while acknowledging that they are, still, imperfect.
The New Trilogy takes the old trilogy's imperfections, stuffs them in a moldy potato sack, drop kicks the sack into a barrel of cacti, then sets it ablaze using a combination of napalm and scalding apple pie filling. Oh yeah... then it takes it all out again and smears itself with the molten mess, and proclaims itself to be the most beautiful butterfly. Where to even start with how it went wrong? Others could give you a novel. I've got my own list.
Problem 1: George wrote it. Not only do you get a movie that dumbs itself down to kids, I think it actually made kids who watched it dumber. Yeah, I'm talking to you Episode One. Rumor has it that his kid was responsible for some of the character names. If true, George only made the mistake of accepting said terrible names. And you know what? I kind of hope the rumor's true. Because for a grown man to have thought up Count Dooku, Mace Windu, Qui Gon Jinn (which, honestly, sounds like a kind of fried dumpling) and Jar Jar Binks... well, that's just embarrassing.
Problem 2: Jake Lloyd as Young Anakin. I swear, the only time I saw him in anything good was an Oreo commercial way back when. I know he's supposed to turn evil, but I wanted to punch him in the face (or... as a last resort, my own face) halfway through Episode One. Watching him try and act was more evil than I could take. Talk about the dark side.
Problem 3: Jar Jar Binks. Yikes. Need I say more?
Problem 4: R2D2 far more technologically advanced in the NT versus the OT. R2 always was a bit of dues ex machine. You'd be able to get out of any jam too if you had a galactic swiss army knife following you around. But the NT took it way too far.
Problem 5: Wasted Talent. You've got Liam Neeson, Natalie Portman, Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Christopher Lee and Sam "The Man" Jackson for crying out loud! How hard do you have to try before you're able to ruin the abilities of every single one of these A-List stars?
Problem 6: Too much CG. Would it kill you, George, to have busted out a plastic suit from the old days? The last thing I want to see is a real actor's head superimposed on a CG trooper. I can't even call it laziness, because head replacement/tracking is infinitely more difficult than getting a dude into a costume. No, the operative phrase here is more along the lines of "stunned exasperation."
Problem 7: Midichlorians? Oh come on. This is just sad. J.J. Abrams knows a thing or two about the power of mystery, which is to say that sometimes, not knowing (or never knowing) is a far more powerful thing than the explanation. The Force was crazy cool when we had no idea what it was. Microscopic thingamajigs in the bloodstream (that, sadly, also sound like some kind of pool cleaning detergent)? Great. The Force has been demoted to a hereditary medical condition.
Problem 8: Messing with success. At the very least, it would have been nice if the badness of the NT was put under quarantine, with the OT being allowed visits on the weekends, but only through double glass shields. But alas, no. George had to spread Problem 6 into the OT, resulting in jarring CG and... get this... a full character replacement from David Prowse to Hayden Christiansen at the end of The Return of the Jedi. What? How does that make any sense? The spirits are locked in visually at the ages they were at death right? Some say that Anakin's spirit is young because that's the last time he was good. But wasn't he good just before he died?
I'm not a hardcore Star Wars fan (I tend to lean towards science fiction, as opposed to science fantasy), but I'm really scratching my head at some of this. Is there something I missed? Or does it really not make any sense?
I don't like being overly negative, so I'll wrap this article up with a positive spin. Here are my grand ideas on how George could have made the most stunningly successful prequel trilogy the world has ever seen.
Major Fix 1: Take a page from Episodes 5 and 6, George. Don't direct it, and don't write it (at least not by yourself). Tell people with talent what your outline is, and leave the details in other peoples' capable hands. Stick to producing. It suits you better. Also, find a better casting director who won't hire snotty kids and give every single bad guy an embarrassingly stereotypical minority accent. Heck, that goes even for good guys with terrible accents (Jar Jar).
Major Fix 2: This is the big one. Don't use CG, and don't use visual effects. Yeah, that's right. Defy convention and make the prequels using the same optical effects that you used to create the OT. Crazy? Maybe. Boldly genius? Oh, absolutely. If fanboys stepped into the theater and saw three movies that looked even grungier and more gorilla-film-makery than the OT, they would have flipped their lids, guaranteed. It may have been tougher, and it may have been restrictive, but those restrictions make leaner, better movies. Unlimited excess and zero accountability make for seriously bloated fare. And nobody likes bloated movies... especially if they were a bit soulless to begin with.
And news flash. Han shot first.
Goodness, already on Part V, and still so many mutants to cast! If you're just joining in, here are the links to Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV. For this round, we're going to deal with some of the mutants from Wolverine's world.
X-23 - Eliza Dushku
If you don't know the history, X-23 is an experimental clone that was created from Wolverine's genetic material. Because the Y chromosomes of the sample was damaged, they were forced to duplicate the X, thereby creating a female child clone of Wolverine (on their 23rd attempt). As for trivia, it's interesting to note that the character of X-23 bears the distinction of being one of the only to start on television (in the animated series X-Men: Evolution) and later become a fully realized character in comic form.
In terms of casting, this one was a puzzle. The girl needed to look like an adolescent female version of Hugh Jackman (the current pick for Wolverine), while still looking the part of X-23 and having the ability to play the role. Let's face it, I don't know any girls that look like Hugh. It's weird even trying to picture that. But after considering the circumstances of the cloning project (what, with the duplication of the X chromosomes and all), I think that it's plausible that X-23 could be interpreted as the hyper-feminized version of Wolverine, 100% female with only the most basic of overlapping traits (such as hair color, eye color, etc). With that in mind, I found myself more free to find the most appropriate actress, without killing myself over finding the best visual match.
I found my pick for X-23 after circling back to some previously diqualified candidates. I was looking for someone along the lines of Mila Kunis (if you could make her somehow even the least bit threatening), and was almost dissapointed that I had already used up Alexa Davalos as Kitty Pryde (seeing as her ferocity in The Chronicles of Riddick would have been completely appropriate here). But in the end, it's none other than Eliza Dushku that I feel is most suited for the role.
The best thing Eliza's got going for her (aside from actually looking a lot like X-23) is that she's already played this role in Buffy as the on-again-off-again psycho killer, Faith. As a rogue Slayer, Faith had both the superhuman power, and the serious inner turmoil that drove her to the brink more than a few times. X-23 would require the same, and much more. Regardless of whether or not you're a fan of Eliza, you've got to admit, she's a lock.
Omega Red - Vladimir Kulich
Ever heard the name Vladimir Kulich? Yeah, me neither. Although you might have seen him around a few times without even knowing it. Finding this guy was the result of way too much time meandering through IMDB profiles. But back to the point, Vladimir was born in Czechoslovakia (which might help with the accent work for Omega Red), and has acted in a number of films. Most of them really play up the guy's frame... all 6 feet 5 inches of it. Seriously, the dude's a giant. And that's not bad, because Omega Red is supposed to stand at 6 feet 11 inches (What do they put in the water over there in Russia? Whatever it is, it's working. Colossus and Omega Red? That's just greedy)!
If you want this famous nemesis of Wolverine's to be truly frightening, you're going to want a guy that can put a little fear into you, and after imagining Vladimir in full Omega Red armor, I'm thinking I would pay the price of admission just to see the ensuing carnage.
Sabretooth - Josh Holloway
And lastly, the most famous of all of Wolverine's foes: Sabretooth. Honestly, I think that if you asked a hundred fans who they thought should play Sabretooth, you could get nearly the same amount of different answers. So I had to put some serious filters into place to whittle down the enormous pool of dark action hero types into something more manageable.
First of all, I had to take into account that Sabretooth is not just a one-clash-foe for Wolverine. Even a character like Omega Red doesn't require a great deal of depth to pull off. But Sabretooth has history with Wolverine. Go back far enough, and you find that they knew each other long before they became lifelong enemies.
If Sabertooth was brought to screen, I'd want him to be a fully fleshed out character, starting with the childhood abuse that contributed to his pychopathic sadism. The last thing I want is to cast a wrestler in the role. Granted, they seem to be going with more of a character actor in Liev Schreiber for Sabretooth's role in Wolverine: Origins, but in that case, I think they swung too far to the other end of the spectrum. I mean, seriously... who's afraid of Liev Schreiber? Exactly.
I chose Josh Holloway for a number of reasons. After watching every episode of Lost to date, I'm certain that Josh knows how to do inner conflict. Furthermore, I'm convinced that he can do rage, though they seem to be letting that out sparingly over the run of the show. And while most of the time Sawyer's just a cool, slick talking con-man... the moments when that shell cracks, you see the kind of acting that Sabretooth requires. The other main reason that I chose Josh, was because I can see him as Wolverine's foil (in a literary sense). Sabretooth is everything Wolverine doesn't want to be, yet somehow... is. So my choice reflects my desire to see someone who can hold his own against Hugh. And to me, imagining Hugh Jackman and Josh Holloway battling it out in both a physical and psychological sense just feels right.
That's it for now. Still to come in the future: The Lehnsherr Family Tree, the Brotherhood, and possibly some of the less prominent X-Men.
Awesome Parting Trivia: Every one of the people I've cast here in this article (aside from Hugh Jackman) has guest starred in at least one episode of Angel: Josh Holloway was in the Pilot episode as a vampire that Angel stakes, Eliza Dushku reprises her role from Buffy as Faith (now a somewhat-reformed convict), and Vladimir (under heavy makeup and prosthetics) inhabits the role of the Beast in Season 4! Talk about poaching the entire cast of a show!
I don't believe that I was born truly ambidextrous. There was never a time when my left hand was more dominant than my right. But still, I've been mildly surprised by how quickly I've been able to train my non-dominant hand when necessary. Even if I'm not naturally ambidextrous, I think both-handed activities like playing guitar, typing (at past 100 wpm), and Ultimate Frisbee (though the left-handed hammer took a lot of work) have to indicate at least some potential aptitude for using my left hand..
So in the end, it may be only learned ambidexterity, but even at that, I'm more than willing to put in a little effort to achieve that goal... which is really how this particular DIY project got started. (I suppose this post could also be categorized more specifically under "Body Hacks," but I'm sticking it under the DIY heading for now)
As of September 19th, I started practicing writing with my left hand. Whenever I found myself with a free moment, I wrote the sentence, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" with my right hand as a point of comparison, then again with my left. The sentence is specific in that it contains every letter of the alphabet, thereby giving my left hand the full range of letters to practice on.
I set my rules to be open ended. I'm going to try and write the sentence at least once every day, but there is no upper limit to how many times I can practice it. From the rate of improvement I saw in just the first ten attempts, I'm hoping that my handwriting will indistinguishable between hands within a month or so. Stay tuned for an update in a week or so!
Random side note: Incidentally, one of the best parts of writing with both hands seems to be when I need to take notes on paper while working on a Wacom Tablet at work. Anyone who uses this setup (forgoing a mouse completely) will tell you that holding an ink pen and a Wacom pen in one hand and switching back and forth isn't the most fun thing to do (they seriously need to invent a Wacom pen that has an ink pen inside it and accessible via clicker). But I was having a blast taking notes with my left while using the Wacom pen in my right. Honestly, some of my co-workers thought I was insane. The ones who know me better, though, weren't really all that surprised.
Subject A: Chris Evans. Typically seen as your run of the mill beefcake/leading man. But wait, check him out in a few notable departures like Sunshine to see that the guy can actually act. Always a pleasant surprise.
Subject B: Tom Cruise. Does this man really need introduction? Personally, I like a lot of the guy's films. I can't say I can vouch for his sanity, but hey, I've gotta admit that the guy's entertaining.
So here's a question for you: What do you get when you average these two out? The answer? Eyal Podell!
Okay, I'm pretty sure I just lost 99% of my audience. The guy's not exactly dead center in the public eye, so it shouldn't surprise you if you have no idea who he is. But he puts in some fine work when you can spot him. So far, he's popped up in three shows that I watch: Angel, Lost, and House. But aside from his acting, look at that face. He's like a perfect blend of the other two. That's not Photoshop. That's the Law of Averages.
There's something about experiencing a work of art, loving it, and then having the entire experience taken up a notch by an exquisitely perfect ending credit song. None of that throwaway pop-song-of-the-year nonsense either. I'm talking about powerfully synergistic music that both compliments and enhances an already amazing experience with something completely appropriate.
5. Flying Dreams
This one comes straight out of my childhood. One of my favorite animated movies of all time, The Secret of N.I.M.H. also has one of the most beautiful songs to play during the credits: Flying Dreams by Paul Williams. The sad part is that the song, which would have been a shoe in for the Best Original Song Oscar that year, was not even in contention for the award because someone forgot to submit it, or some other nonsense like it. The movie came out in 1982, and it's a little tough re-locating news on it to verify, but I swear it happened!
4. Into the West
Some people knock the end of The Return of the King because of the multiple endings. I think those people are nuts. An epic trilogy with so many intertwined stories requires that level of closure to ween the audience off of such an experience. As a tool, Annie Lennox' song, Into the West, strives for the same effect. The song, overlaid on top of pencil sketchings of characters from all three films, really helps bring the viewer full circle. Lyrically, it mirrors the notion that the journey has an end, as it references the ships sailing off into the Elvish final havens.
3. Late Goodbye
If you're a fan of film noir and gaming, then you could do worse than play Max Payne and Max Payne II. Operatic gun battles aside, I've actually played through both a number of times, mainly to relive the story... which is incredibly dark and tragic. The second game ends with credits much like a film, and the song that played surprised me with how spot on it felt. As it turns out, Sam Lake (writer of Max Payne) wrote a poem about the game, which ended up becoming the core of the lyrics to the song Late Goodbye.
As a point of pure fan trivia awesomeness, thousands of gamers beat the game and loved the song enough to seek out information on the band that performed it, Poets of the Fall. As a result, the Finnish band became an overnight sensation, skyrocketing to fame primarily due to their involvement with Max Payne. Who says gamers can't make a difference?
2. May it Be
Are you surprised that two Lord of the Rings songs made it on this list? Well, you shouldn't be. The direction, production values, and overall attention to detail in all three films is near unrivaled. Not surprisingly, May it Be, written and performed by Enya, is a masterpiece. And talk about true integration. The final notes of music from the final scene of The Fellowship of the Ring blend seamlessly into her haunting vocals. The mood is pitch perfect, and the lyrics even contain native Elvish phrases. Talk about commitment to the source material. It really would have taken the number one spot if not for...
1. Still Alive
A year ago, I would never have expected a song from the end credits of a computer game to have made it to the top of this list. And if you have any doubts to its merit, then you really haven't played Portal. I've mentioned Jonathan Coulton (who wrote Still Alive) briefly in my Spotlight Article about him, but you really can't appreciate the song's genius outside of the context of the game... which is exactly why it's so special. The ending song is an extension of the game's storyline, sung by the main antagonist of the game: a childishly sadistic artificial intelligence lady-thing. Really. I can't think of a single better example of story and song integration than Still Alive. The song is self-referential, hilarious, and filled to the brim with in-jokes from the game. And really, isn't that was an end credit song is all about? To induce instant nostalgia for the story you just finished?
Welcome to the start of a new article series. Everyone loves lists right? Today, we're going to go with something lighthearted... and a tiny bit disturbing: Nicolas Cage's hair (or, his attempts to hide the lack of such).
I can respect a guy who doesn't hide his obviously balding dome. There are some seriously respected bald-ish actors out there that don't take flak from anyone. Can you imagine anyone dissing Kevin Spacey? Yeah, me neither. So why does a guy like Nicolas Cage persist with the ridiculous hair? He looked perfectly normal in The Rock back in 1996. Unfortunately, things have gone seriously downhill from there. Here are my top three picks for Cage's worst looks (I was going to go with top five, but then I decided that it would be needlessly sadistic on my part to subject you all to more than three... be thankful for small favors).
3. Bangkok Dangerous
Coming in at number three, we have Bangkok Dangerous. I don't care how much training he's supposed to have in the movie, that hair negates any and all assassin training in my book.
2. Next
At number two, we have Next. As the egregiousness of the hair grows, it appears that Nicolas Cage's appeal to women rises proportionally (more proof that Hollywood lies). More ridiculous than this movie's premise is the notion that his love interest is none other than Jessica Biel. Yikes.
1. National Treasure: Book of Secrets
Ringing in at number one is National Treasure: Book of Secrets. Avert thine eyes if thou knowest what is best for thee. In line with the bad hair = beautiful women formula, we see that Nic gallivants around with Diane Kruger by his side. Figures. Considering the mega budgets of some of these films, you'd think that one person, just one person involved in production would have had the common sense to tell their respective directors to ease off the hairpieces.
Back when I was a kid, I used to love adventure games (still do, actually). This isn't to say that I don't still love them now, but they really don't make them like they used to. King's Quest, Space Quest, and Zork were among the more universally known entries, but there were some gems that slipped under the radar. And by "slipped under," I mean stealth-cloaked itself and completely bypassed mainstream social consciousness. It's a shame too. The people who've played games like Sam & Max Hit the Road and The Neverhood will swear by how amazing (and riotously funny) the experience was. Sadly, there are far too few people who can say that they were able to partake during the golden age of adventure gaming.
Before you get too settled, let me clarify that this isn't an article about gaming, but more tangentially, one about video game music. After I bought The Neverhood, I immediately internet ordered the soundtrack. It's worth noting that my grasp of the internet was so tenuous at that point in time (around 1996) that I can't even recall exactly how I accomplished that task. Regardless, the music that soon arrived at my door was like nothing I had ever heard before (well, aside from the hearing it during gameplay). I had just been smashed in the head by the musical stylings of Terry Taylor.
There's good music. There's appropriate music. Then there's music that makes the experience. Can you imagine Star Wars: A New Hope without John Williams' epic score? Or (more depressingly), Episode One? Yeah, I just threw up a little in my mouth too. Terry Taylor's music is that level of integral. Words honestly fail to capture what he does for the game... which, by the way, is flat out hilarious amidst its spartan use of dialogue.
At this point, there's not much else I can say about either the Neverhood or Terry Taylor that would do either justice. Some things, you just have to experience for yourself. But if you ever do get the chance to play the game or listen to the music, I'd highly recommend making the investment of time to do so.
On to Part IV of the ongoing quest to cast the Marvel Universe. In case you missed it, here are the links to Part I, Part II, and Part III. For Part IV, I decided to tackle the Summers family tree. So let's take it from the top.
Corsair - Tom Selleck
Honestly, the moment I saw this picture (and that mustache), I thought to myself, "that looks just like Tom Selleck!" After doing a bit of research, I found that Tom is 6'3" tall (exactly the same as Corsair). In terms of realistic family casting, it stays consistent with the general physical bearing of all the men in the Summers family. Pay attention to his hairline and jaw, you'll be seeing some nifty similarities in the people cast as his children.
Havok - Matt Damon
Enter Havok, aka Alex Summers, son of Corsair and younger brother to Cyclops. Much like being halfway through a Sudoku puzzle, casting Havok required that I account for family resemblances to both Tom Selleck and Neal McDonough. Fortunately, Matt Damon, filled that requirement nicely while still looking a fair bit like the actual illustrations of Havok. You can see that Matt and Neal both share the same general head shape and hairline, and their chins are passably similar. He does have different eyes, but let's just assume that he gets it from his mother. Matt stands at 5'10" tall (two inches shorter than Neal), so casting him at the right age would make for a believable younger brother.
Cyclops & Jean Grey - Neal McDonough & Kate Beckinsale
You can read about my choices and rationale for Cyclops and Jean Grey in Part I, this is just a quick recap for the sake of easy visual comparison. 
Cable - Gerard Butler
Here's a tough one. Cable, son of Cyclops and Madelyne Pryor (a clone of Jean Grey), is a giant of a man. Standing at 6'8" tall, he's supposed to be two inches taller than Colossus even. I didn't really concern myself with finding someone of the same height, but I did need someone who was taller than Cyclops at the very least. Gerard Butler is, so far, my best hope for filling the role. He's 6'2" (two inches taller than Neal), in top physical shape (especially after his insane training regimen preparing for 300), and is visually intimidating. Imagine him slinging an enourmous energy rifle and all you really need is for him to lose his natural Scottish accent. And you can probably excuse him for breaking from the now standard Summers hairline. He probably takes after his mother anyway (which, you have to admit, is not a bad direction to take).
The way I see it, Kate Beckinsale and Gerard Butler would both have to do double duty in terms of character roles because of cloning situations. The former would need to play Madeleyn Pryor, and the latter, Stryfe. It'd be interesting to see how the actors handle the dual roles.
If you're already familiar with animation auteur, Hayao Miyazaki (the director of the award winning films Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke) then consider yourself lucky. His work is magical and amazing to behold. But even die hard fans may not be versed in his early works. I want to throw some of the spotlight onto a golden oldie.
One of Miyazaki's earliest directorial efforts was the post-apocalyptic adventure tale, Mirai Shonen Konan, or alternately, Conan, The Boy in Future (in its official English title). Many hold this twenty-six episode series to be the greatest thing Miyazaki has ever created, and for good reason. The style, themes, characterizations, and trademarks that make Miyazaki's movies so indelibly his, all have their roots in this epic masterpiece. Everything from strong child protagonists and flying machines, to political and ecological themes was present and perfectly executed here.
I consider myself blessed to have been heavily exposed to the show from early childhood. Still, it wasn't until I was able to rewatch the series as an adult in its original Japanese (with English subtitles) that I was able to fully understand the plot and appreciate the genius. My childhood viewing was done to a stack of VHS tapes that were dubbed in Korean, which may have had a lot to do with my general lack of full comprehension.
Honestly, Miyazaki was so far ahead of the game back then (in 1978, no less) that it makes the competition of the time seem pitiful by comparison. And that's not just in animation fluidity, but in straight storytelling. Have you ever watched a show that you loved so much that when you got to the end, you felt like someone had hollowed you out? Have you ever felt the sadness of knowing that you would never see the characters develop further beyond the confines of their fictional universe? I felt that... and continue to feel it when I reminisce about this story.
So it's with intense fondness that I urge you to keep a lookout for this one. If you're a fan of the singular, rare, and beautiful in life, this is something you're going to want to see. Arigato gozaimashita, Hayao Miyazaki, the world owes you an unpayable debt.
Welcome to Part III of my quest to cast the Marvel Universe! If you're just joining in, you should check out Part I and Part II before reading on.
Beast - Anthony Hopkins
While Kelsey Grammer wasn't a terrible choice for Beast, he wasn't, by any means, the best choice. If anything, he falls victim to the Batman/Bruce Wayne duality problem... where it's very easy to find an actor to play one or the other, but exceedingly difficult to find an actor to convincingly portray both. Kelsey has the intellectual side of Beast down solid. Not a surprise, seeing as it's just Frasier in blue makeup. A tougher sell is Frasier the fighter. Yeah. I can't picture it either. And I've seen X-Men 3.
That's where Sir Anthony Hopkins steps in. Wind the clock back to him in his late twenties and see if he couldn't do a better job in Beast's furry blue skin. Intelligence and animalistic rage both present (look at his full IMDB if you have any doubts of his range). His physique is much more appropriate to playing Beast as well, which is an added bonus.
Psylocke - Maggie Q
Quick abridged recap for those unfamiliar with Psylocke: she was originally named Elisabeth Braddock, an English Supermodel with stylish purple hair turned substitute superhero who's mind was eventually transferred into the body of an Asian ninja assassin. That's probably the shortest version of that story you'll ever hear. Now a quick abridged recap of Maggie Q's career: originally a supermodel, she began an acting career with some early stunt training from the venerable Jackie Chan, and in a stunningly short amount of time, became a household name for being both unbelievably beautiful and genuinely talented, stunt/action-wise.
Something tells me that Maggie Q would make a fantastic Psylocke. In some versions of the story, Psylocke actually retains some of her original genetic code, which makes Maggie's mixed ethnicity all the more appropriate. Just imagine her in that red dress from MI:3 kicking all kinds of tail like she does in Live Free or Die Hard, and you'll start getting the picture of the Psylocke I have in mind.
Iceman - Shawn Ashmore
To be honest, I spent more than a little time trying to recast this role from the X-Men films. And after an inordinate amount of mental grief, I found myself back at square one. My biggest two complaints with the original casting was that Shawn Ashmore was too slight of build and height to play Iceman, and that he was too young. But as it turns out, Iceman is actually only 5'8" while Shawn Ashmore is a good 5'11". Looks like he's not too small after all. As for the age, I'd just cast him older so that he feels more like an adult (I really hated that they cast half of the X-Men as kids in the films). But overall, I think Bryan Singer had the right idea with Shawn. A lot of the Iceman feel comes from the eyes (I know... it seems minor, but think about it and you'll realize it's practically a necessary requirement), and Shawn's got the pale blues to match. So after much internal debate, I'm willing to leave this one as is.
Emma Frost - Michelle Pfeiffer
Emma Frost, also known as White Queen, might be an obscure one for some of you. If you're like me, you probably knew her as a bad guy, then never really heard of her again (or just never realized that the White Queen from distant memory was the same person as the Emma Frost of today). If you want the detailed back story, I suggest you check out the Wikipedia article on her. For now, it's enough to say that she's an on and off member of the X-Men, and thus, warrants a spot on this list.
You really wouldn't believe how many actresses I sorted through to cast Emma. I mean, honestly... the physical requirements of being blonde and attractive are kind of useless as a set of filtering criteria in today's Hollywood. Blonde women are kind of a dime a dozen. If you care to know, I rejected the following listed actresses on the basis that they either couldn't sell the image of the cunningly intelligent businesswoman side of Emma, or that they didn't have the acting chops to portray the seductress. Some of them could do one or the other, but most of them would have just looked foolish trying to do both. As it stands, I vetoed Liz Hurley, Sharon Stone, Madonna, Ali Larter, Rebecca Romijn, Sienna Miller, Scarlett Johansson, Uma Thurman, Rachel McAdams, Rebecca De Mornay (The Three Musketeers era), Charlize Theron, Cate Blanchette... and that's just from what I can remember off the top of my head.
In the end, I reached back in time a bit and settled on a Batman Returns era Michelle Pfeiffer. You have to admit, Michelle's not your stereotypical blonde airhead. She's got the beauty, the sensuality, and the intelligence all in one package. Sizzle, spectacle, and a commanding presence. So what if she made her mark as Catwoman in the DC Universe first?
Angel - Val Kilmer
I'm running with pre-Archangel here, so think back before the blue skin and metal wings. The thought that occurred to me was that Angel needs to look a little like Matthew McConaughey, and act... well... nothing like him. The serious, brooding, and lonely rich guy is much more the Angel I'm looking for. Going back to the Batman/Bruce Wayne duality, my choice came by way of stealing yet another DC character actor, Val Kilmer.
In my opinion, Val was a great half of Batman. He played a fantastic Bruce Wayne, but his Batman was weak at best (kind of the opposite of Michael Keaton's Batman when you think about it). But the way he played Bruce is exactly the way he needs to play Angel. Pick up the Val Kilmer from back in the Tombstone, Willow, or even Top Gun days when he was still fit, and I'd say you've got yourself a decent match up.
That's about wraps it up for this installment. I haven't decided where to go next with my next set. But chances are good that I'll be tackling the Summers and Lehnsherr family trees soon.
Here's a bit of trivia for the Trekkies out there. If you've seen The Terminal, you may have noticed some interesting things about Zoe Saldana's character, Officer Torres. As Viktor Navorski (played by Tom Hanks) tries to help out his friend Enrique win Officer Torres' affection, he discovers that she's an avid Trekkie who has, on at least one occasion, gone to Star Trek Conventions cosplaying as Yeoman Rand.
The awesomeness continues with her name, which matches up with Chief Engineer B'Elanna Torres' from Star Trek: Voyager. And to top it all off, Zoe Saldana will be donning the uniform of a certain communications officer by the name of Nyota Uhura in J.J. Abrams' film reboot of Star Trek due out in 2009. Here's me wishing I could bend the space-time continuum and make 2009 happen now. Anyone up for a little slingshot around the sun?
I wish I could describe to you what the Wilhelm Scream sounds like. Still, if you've seen an action movie, ever... I'm positive you've heard it already, though you may not have known it for what it was. The Wilhelm Scream is a distinctive yell with a story that goes way back in cinema history. If you need a refresher though, try checking it out here or YouTubing it.
What started out as a stock scream recording was later rediscovered by none other than sound designer Ben Burtt, the man who would become famous for his contributions to the Star Wars movies as the man who gave voice to R2D2. As for Ben's ongoing career, you can see, or rather hear his handiwork in his most recent film Wall-E, as he provided all the adorable chirps and blurps that emanated from the titular character's sound card.
Seriously though, tracing the Wilhelm scream becomes pretty easy if you know what it sounds like. You can hear it in just about every movie ever made that has any tiny bit of action. It's like the greatest recurring joke in cinema. The hard part comes in trying to track every single movie to ever use the Wilhelm Scream... because that list is long. Here's a YouTube video that puts just a small handful of those clips together. I dare you not to laugh when you see how awesomely overused the sound is.
Somewhere, tucked away deep in the realm of Internet geekery is a brilliant, brilliant man by the name of Jonathan Coulton.
Jonathan used to be a computer programmer and a self-proclaimed "code monkey." But in 2005 he gave it all up and traded it in for shiny new career in Internet troubadourity. Most of his music is thematically tied to the best tenets of geek culture: zombies, video games, science fiction, evil overlords and the like. But what distinguishes Jonathan from the rest is his refreshingly original combination of musical style and lyrics. You wouldn't think that a song about a giant squid's lament over the ships it crushes could be both poignant and meaningful. It's a testament to Jonathan's abilities that his music, though thematically ridiculous, can actually be quite touching.
The musical business model is as unique as the artist. On the music section of his official website, you can listen to every song he's released so far, and download many of them for free. Most songs have three payment options ranging from none at all, to fixed price, and lastly, pay what you think it's worth. Thanks to avid (or is that rabid?) fans and solid word of mouth, Jonathan's Internet rock stardom is well on its way.
Personally, I was introduced to Jonathan's music through his contribution to the genius video game Portal (as was part of The Orange Box). The final credit song "Still Alive" was by far the funniest and most clever compositions I'd heard in a good long time. Possibly ever. After some Internet sleuthing, I discovered who the mind behind the music was and was subsequently pulled into the glory of Jonathan's genius. I guess you could say I've been a fan ever since.
My current favorite songs from his list: Skullcrusher Mountain, Code Monkey, Shop Vac, Drinking With You, Tom Cruise Crazy, and The Future Soon. Seriously. Go check them out.
So here's to Jonathan Coulton. Making geek culture cool... or at least a little less uncool, for those of us who just can't help ourselves.
Veronica Mars. Highly underrated show, and prematurely canceled (criminally early, if you ask me). Here's some random trivia for fans of good television.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer alumni Charisma Carpenter and Alyson Hannigan both have minor roles in Veronica Mars. Notably, you can see them acting opposite each other in the episode, "My Mother, the Fiend." If you've seen them in Buffy, it's a little jarring. Charisma plays Kendall Casablancas... well... pretty much the same way she plays Cordelia in Buffy (though, notably, she grows as a character in her reprised role in Angel), but Alyson's Trina Echolls is like the polar opposite of stage fright ridden Willow.
Bonus points to anyone who noticed Joss Whedon making his own cameo as a rental car service manager in the episode "Rat Saw God."
On an even more coincidental note, Michael Cera and Alia Shawkat of Arrested Development fame also guest star in one episode of Veronica Mars. The same episode, "The Rapes of Graff." They play students at the college Veronica Mars is looking to attend. How strange is that? I suppose it's a tribute to their incredibly youthful looks that they both have the flexibility to play both young teens and young adults. But really, Kristen Bell wins the gold at playing younger characters. She was twenty-four when she started her run on the show as a high-schooler. Go figure.
