Dream Cast: Superman Rebooted

Today, it was announced that Christopher Nolan (director of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight) would be overseeing the reboot of the Superman franchise. I'm going to play the optimist and surmise that this will be a good thing. In all honesty, I was a fan of Bryan Singer's Superman Returns. It hearkened back to the golden age of cinema in a lot of ways, but I can also understand why it was decided to scrap it all and start from scratch. Could it have continued? Absolutely. Should it have? We may never know.

But looking to the future, the real question is... how do you re-cast one of the most iconic roles in comic book history? After Christopher Reeve's take on Superman, you really have to wonder if there are even a handful of people left on the planet (or even one, for that matter) that have the combination of physique, believable klutzyness, and earnest heroism required to bring Superman to life. For what it's worth, I think Singer did an admirable job of finding and developing Brandon Routh as the Superman of our generation. He was a solid choice for Superman Returns, and far better than any of the typical beefcake actors that most people tend to name as top choices. Given half the chance, I think Routh's portrayal of the Man of Steel would have only gotten better with a solid franchise. Sadly, the box office gods have spoken, and all possibilities of a sequel quietly faded away after Superman Returns failed to bring in the green (the movie's metaphorical kryptonite).

The thought of starting yet another worldwide talent search for a new Superman wearies me. The sad bit is that it wouldn't really be a reboot if they brought Routh back on board, so that option is clearly out. The problem, of course, being that people would see a (now) familiar actor back in the cape and assume it's a sequel. The dilemma here is that a new and even more exhaustive search will have to be initiated to find Superman amongst a world of unknown (or nearly unknown) actors. I've got my fingers crossed that they get it right. I will say this though... Singer had the right idea, find someone who can play Kent first, and then train him to play Superman... not the other way around. As a blog-only dream casting agent, I can only post names of at least somewhat established actors... and so, I have no real name to submit for who I think should don the tights. All I know for sure, is that every actor I am aware of at the moment is decidedly not a good choice.

As for the rest of the cast, honestly, I could care less. A good reboot only needs a solid Superman, and a solid Lois Lane. Everyone else can be made to revolve around those two.

And so the only place where I can start is exactly where I feel Singer dropped the ball: his well-intentioned, but misguided casting of Kate Bosworth to play the role of Lois Lane. Bosworth was easy enough on the eyes, but she did very little to inhabit the role. Singer was all about Superman Returns being a spiritual successor of sorts to Superman I and II. Routh had the same nerdy charm that Reeve did, but Kate Bosworth was a total miss. If he wanted a fresh young actress to succeed the original Margot Kidder, he really had only one clear choice: Rashida Jones.

Seriously. Don't just take my word for it, go and check out anything she's done, and then compare her to Margot Kidder from Supes I and II. They have a passing physical resemblance, but the vibe is dead-on.

Christopher Nolan obviously knows what he's doing, seeing as The Dark Knight was one of the greatest comic book movies ever made. So to this auteur, I have only these small suggestions. First, start looking for your new Kal-El ASAP, you'll need all the time you can get. And second, don't underestimate how important it is to cast Superman's love interest right, because really, Superman is only as good as his Lois Lane.

Do It Yourself: Ambidexterity - Part III

Okay, ambidexterity is so last year. That was just a warm up to the mental decathlon this is quickly becoming. If you're just joining in, check out Part I and Part II to get all caught up.

Suffice it to say, I have now become a functionally ambidextrous person with respect to writing. But while teaching myself to write with my left hand, I became more and more enamored with the idea of training both hemispheres of the brain to do things far beyond "normal" by breaking down and reassembling the very way we naturally processes information.

When it comes down to it, what I really decided to do was to reinterpret the characters of the English alphabet as objects, not as symbols. Allow me to explain. If you see the letter "l" put on its side, it's a hyphen. If you see it at an angle, it becomes a backslash. The orientation of this symbol determines its meaning. But if you see a tree from the sky, or from the ground, from in front or from back, it will always be a tree. Written English demands that you read it with the proper orientation to give its 26 symbols the proper meaning. For whatever reason, I decided to train myself to learn to write independent of fixed orientation, and here are the results:


First came my right hand writing my control phrase. Then writing the same phrase upside down. Not to be outdone, I performed the same feat with my left hand. Then came the real brain twister. The circular writing test began with me starting in the center, and writing outwards in a spiral without altering my hand position in any way, and without rotating the paper. The test was to be able to write each letter correctly with a constantly shifting orientation (and while keeping the spiral reasonably circular). Give it a try for yourself, it's much more difficult than you'd imagine. The finale, of course, was in being able to reproduce the spiral with my non-dominant left hand... again without changing the relative angle of my wrist to the paper, and keeping the paper stationary (pun intended). Once you wrap your mind around what is essentially mental spatial rotation of the letters, you'll be surprised how easy it is to perform simple tasks like writing upside down. Next on the list of potential challenges, mirror cursive. That one could prove difficult...

DIY: Camera Holster

Anyone who ever uses two DSLR's at the same time knows that figuring out a good way to stow that second camera is a challenge. I've scoured the internet, and found a few good ideas, from actual gun style holsters, hip bags, body sling mounts, and special straps. Some kind of cool, some ridiculously goofy. After a bit of thinking though, I realized that I could probably just as easily buy a few parts and pave my own way, DIY style.

My epiphany came when i realized that there already existed the perfect connecting mechanism for camera bodies... tripod base plates. So after a little research, I was lead to the Manfrotto 323 RC2 Rapid Connect Adapter with 200PL-14 Quick Release Plate. This crazy invention has it all, a quick locking mechanism so that you can snap the camera onto the tripod quickly, and a safety latch to keep you from accidentally unhooking your camera.


The main problem to overcome, was how to adapt this to a vertically oriented belt attachment. My particular solution to this was pretty simple. I bought an old leather belt from the Goodwill Store down the street, cut it up and put a screw through the belt and into the base. There's already a screw hole there that you're supposed to use when attaching to a tripod, so the only real issue was finding a short screw that fit the threads. All done, I was left with my new holster with a leather loop for my belt.


Provided that the leather doesn't rip (it's pretty thick), there's very little chance of this thing falling apart. And it's not like the camera's going to rotate around the mount enough times to unscrew itself.

And some more pictures of my new holster in action.


Notice the latch next to my thumb. It's really easy to reach, and perfect for keeping me from dropping/breaking the camera.


In the end, this project was an exercise in compromise. The only way to fully protect a camera is to put in in a case, but cases are bulky. The setup allows a little bit more movement than I'd have liked, but again, anything that would stabilize the camera to my hip would also require a more elaborate rigid framework. All in all, this setup hit enough pros to outweigh the cons.


[UPDATED 09.23.09] So... after a bit of thought, I figured I didn't want to hang (potentially) $5000 worth of gear off this contraption without a bit more reinforcement. I just completed version 2.0 of the Camera Holster. The main addition: a steel plate on the inside. Seeing as it is now physically impossible for the screw head to rip out of the holes in the leather... the only way for everything to fall apart is if both leather straps rip through sideways. I consider the odds of that happening slim, and even if it does, I'll be able to see the rips in progress before things go south... literally. Here's the updated, sleeker, model:

The Spotlight: The Unfortunately Neverending Story

If you were born in the 80's, chances are good that you watched The Neverending Story. And you probably loved it. Now... this may be a case of telling someone telling you not to look down, only to have you look down as a direct result of them telling you... but I'm telling you now, if you have good memories of watching the film as a child, do yourself a favor and never watch it again as an adult.

I made that mistake myself during my time as an undergrad. Everyone knows that one of the greatest perks of dorm life is the easy access to countless movies in neighboring collections. I was making one of my frequent weekend rounds for something to watch when I stumbled upon this "gem" from the good old days. I think my exact response upon finding a copy was "Holy crap! I loved that movie! May I borrow this?"

92 minutes later, I wished I had a time machine... if only to have had the opportunity to go back in time to punch past-me in the face. Hindsight is cruel that way. After two more extremely painful viewings (years later, I might add... you have to give a guy time to recover), I have condensed the bad, so that you don't have to sit through it yourself. (Call it a community service)

Problem 1: Pacing. Or should I say... paaaaacccciiiiiing. Can you say slow? I bet you can't say it as slowly as this movie can. This isn't even Blade Runner slow. This is like 2001: A Space Odyssey slow... or maybe Star Trek: The Motion Picture slow. People talk slow, people move slow, nothing happens quickly. Yes, it was a less rushed era. But it doesn't hold up in today's attention deficit society. Am I still on Problem 1? I've already lost interest.

Problem 2: Acting. In that, it has none. Watching children act on screen is usually painful enough. But there are two of them in this film (three if you count the princess). Both horrifically bad. Noah Hathaway (playing Atreyu) is at least passably painful in his role, but Barret Oliver as Bastian... this guy gives Jake Lloyd a run for his money... and yes, that's a dis. To both of them.

The issue is that these kids have nothing to play against, and, as you'd expect, they overact their pants off. Atreyu loses his horse Artax in the Swamps of Sadness. An emotionally heavy scene, yes. But it happens about half a second after you're introduced to these characters. The raw emotion comes off as really awkward. Bastian is even worse off. 90% of his scenes are reaction shots to events that aren't happening anywhere near him... which is what happens when you steal a book, ditch class, and hide away in a school attic by yourself. His ridiculously overwrought exclamations to no one in particular are nothing short of face-palm inducing. And I have the red palm on my forehead to prove it.


Problem 3: Extremely jarring editing, super-cheese 80's music, and head-scratchingly bad effects. Let's get the editing out of the way first. The film cuts (often) in the middle of crescendos to a completely new scene. Let me repeat that. The music cuts in the middle with the shot! That's not bad editing, that's a mistake. Here's what it feels like to watch this stuff: Imagine you're in the shower, innocently shampooing your hair, whistling an old Beatles song... and a freaking catapult launches you stark naked out your bathroom window and inexplicably into a fiery volcano. Yeah. That's what these cuts are like. As for the synth-heavy music, I suppose you'll have to forgive that... the 80's definitely left its mark on this film. And that's not a compliment.

The effects are all over the board. Some of the practical effects work great, but the rear screen projection and optical effects are pretty sloppy. In some cases, painted backdrops abruptly end within frame, creating distinct lines between locations and props. Canvas set extensions have wrinkles and stretch marks in them for crying out loud. Shame on you Wolfgang Peterson. You've done so much better.

Problem 4: Creepy factor. And this film's got it in spades. What's with the naked statues? Isn't this a children's movie? If anything, it would have gone over better with female sphynx statues sans nipples. Ah the good old days of inconsistent censoring.


But the real gold mine is Falkor, the luck dragon. Or, as I'd call him, Pedophile-dog-creepy-dragon-thingy. Seriously. Falkor is like a dirty old man with a dog's head and pink sequined pimp feux furs. He saves Atreyu in an amazing bit of deus ex machina, after which we see Atreyu waking up from a coma snuggled up next to him (which begs the question of how long this coma cuddle went on for, and begs us not to ask the question of why there was cuddling in the first place). Falkor tells Atreyu that he (verbatim) "loves children" (really), and winks at him multiple times (really). He then asks Atreyu to scratch him behind the ears, like you would a dog, and the look of intense, tongue waggling satisfaction on his face... well, let's just say that I cringed so hard I thought my face would cave in. Falkor's Art Director was probably aiming for cute and endearing. I think he ended up with alarmingly sleazy.


Honestly, I'm sure it was made with good intentions. I'll give it the benefit of a doubt. I'm sure Falkor was written with nothing but innocence. But seriously... that freaking Dragon's a pervert. As my friend Dan (a full grown adult, I might add) said while watching a few of Falkor's scenes: "Whaaaah! I'm gonna have nightmares!" Me too Dan. Me too.

As for a general blanket statement on the whole film, I'll admit, this was probably groundbreaking stuff back in the day. And you can't fault it for trying. If anything, it's vivid. Like... if hallucinogenic mushrooms could take LSD, vivid. And as such, it stuck in the collective psyche's of a generation of impressionable children, myself included. But to watch it again as an adult, you'll find yourself smiling... but for all the wrong reasons. You have to laugh at it, because it's the only way to stop yourself from jamming something sharp in your eye. If you have good memories of watching it, do yourself a favor and let those memories rest in peace. The Neverending Story demands to be blissfully forgotten. And if remembered... to be remembered fondly only in hazy recollections and pop culture throwback humor.

Do It Yourself: Ambidexterity - Part II

Well, it's been seven months since I set out to teach myself to be ambidextrous. Check out the beginning of my experiment in Part I. During my months of mind and body hacking, I've endeavored to write with my left hand as much as I can remember to. Most of it ended up being during work while waiting for particularly large Photoshop Documents to save (30 minutes for a 4 gig file. Ouch).

But all my hard work has paid off. I can now write comfortably with my non-dominant hand, and legibly as well! At my current level of muscle memory, I can write with my left hand just as quickly with my right with only moderate legibility issues. But if I slow down to about 75% of my right hand's speed, I can make my left handwriting nearly indistinguishable from that of my right. Behold the fruits of my labor:


What you're looking at is one line written by my dominant right hand, and the following four written with my left. It may not look like much improvement compared with that of my first post, but there is a marked increase in the speed with which I can write. As an added bonus, I discovered that I can write with both hands at the same time... which gets trippy when your hands move together most of the time, but cross t's and f's in opposite directions. My brain asplode!

DIY: Life without iTunes

Or perhaps as an alternate title: Kicking iTunes in the iBalls. It's been a long time coming, but I've finally decided to take the plunge and rid myself of the tyranny of Apple software, and with it, the inherent cookie cutter consumerism (read: digital communism) and DRM (digital rights management) restrictions.


Longtime readers may already be aware of my attempts to de-fruitify my iPod shuffle in a previous DIY article. It finally came time to take the battle from hardware to software.

Lets get the facts out of the way. iTunes does a great job of consolidating just about everything music related into one program and interface. But if you want total control of your own music, iTunes becomes more of a brushed steel dungeon than anything else. Perhaps the most unforgivable flaw in the software is its inordinate use of a system's resources to operate (at least, for those of us in the Windows world). When my desktop can run Crysis flawlessly at the highest resolution settings, which, amazingly, looks like this:


...yet still hangs up when scrolling through an iTunes playlist, I know that there's something seriously wrong. My theory? Apple de-optimizes their code for the Windows versions of iTunes. Jerks.

Which brings me to my criteria for what I looked for in an alternative. What I needed was efficient, clean, and customizable software that was light on the system demands. And behold, after much testing and experimentation, here are my picks for anyone wanting to follow down the path of liberation:

Foobar2000 - The Alternative Player

Foobar is an incredibly lightweight and heavily customizable program. And a quick google image search will yield some some outrageously cool downloadable themes. All the internal windows are modular components... so you could, in theory, have a viewer composed of 6 album art screens and nothing else (not that I'd recommend it). Even on my laptop, the program loads up in less than a second. And unlike iTunes, scrolling through playlists happens in real time (on snap!). As an added bonus, you can set your library to mirror your actual directory structure, which means that if you're neurotic about organization (like I am), you can reap the benefits of your OCD-ness from within the program itself. Nice.

Go download Foobar2000 for yourself already.

Windows Media Player - The Alternative Ripper

Really, why mess with success? WMP works just fine at ripping music CD's. And it's a simple matter to set your preferences to automatically tag the files the way you want them tagged. You get this step right, and you'll almost never have to go back and manually tag a track again.

Windows Explorer - The Alternative Tagger

But if you do find it necessary to get under the hood and input or delete some tags, you can use windows explorer to get the job done. Explorer in Vista is a dream when it comes to tag organization, but you can achieve the same result in XP as well. Just right click on the file, go to properties, then the summary tag. Not only can you view the tags, you can edit them as well. If you're looking for a third option, just load up your library from within Foobar itself and right click the song to edit it properties. From there, you should be able to both view and edit your tags.

Amazon.com - The Alternative MP3 Store

People use the iTunes store because it's convenient. But even if you're mostly against buying DRMed content, you can slip up now and again and buy a few tracks here and there. And before you know it, you've salted your music library with tracks that can't be moved, shared, and sometimes, burned (yes, even the brute force burning of DRM files sometimes fails for no reason under iTunes). Really, you should be buying CD's in the first place and ripping them at a high quality, but if you're not much for the "going outside thing," shop at Amazon. DRM free content rocks (and all the cool kids are doing it).

SharePod - The Alternative iPod Loader

So now that you've got your player and library set up, the final program you need is SharePod (Windows only). This free and tiny program can actually be stored on your iPod. Just plug it in, load the program, and you've got a mobile solution for loading files to your iPod. As a bonus, you can actually pull songs off the iPod as well... (a huge limitation when using iTunes). SharePod and Foobar2000 are also fully compatible. You can have both open and just drag and drop from your playlist onto SharePod. You'll be loaded up and good to go in seconds. You should probably download SharePod immediately.

With the addition of these two programs and a bit of effort, I have created a more truly portable music library than I've had in years. I can literally copy both programs and my music onto a USB key, and set up shop on any computer, anywhere I go (in a legal way, of course). No DRM to worry about, and no completely wonky library on reload.


Breathe deep readers. That's the smell of digital freedom.